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Neediness is the most misunderstood concept in dating.
Everyone seems to have an opinion on what they think being needy means: “Don’t text a girl too soon. Be careful of showing your interest early on — especially if she’s REALLY hot.” But what if I told you that those actions aren’t necessarily needy? What if I told you that constantly worrying about whether or not you’re being needy is actually being needy?
Simply put, being needy is caring more about how people perceive you rather than how you perceive yourself.
When I write dating tips and relationship advice for a new mode, I am writing to a female audience.
But neediness is not gender-specific – guys make the mistake of being “needy” too!
I can’t go into as much depth as I’d like to in this post, but men and women have different senses of how they’d like to be noticed for things (and what they’d like to be noticed for.) At the root of it, when a man feels like he make a woman happy, he will not want to be in a relationship with her (or if he stays, he will not want to deepen it). Back to neediness: When a woman starts acting needy, especially in the beginning of a relationship, it shows up as the ultimate red flag. Neediness is synonymous with ’emotional dependency’, as in: “This woman is dependent on the guy in order for her to feel good.” Now, sometimes when I start explaining this, I’ll get a comment saying, “Oh so what? You can have it all, too, but what I’m trying to explain in this article is that you don’t get it from it.
On the other hand, when a woman acknowledges him for all the things he’s doing well, he will almost certainly want to deepen the relationship and stay in it. We’re supposed to be emotional robots with no feelings or desires and just accept anything a guy is doing without complaint? You create a relationship with those qualities by inspiring those things within the relationship.